even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize