8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
