I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was like eating out sand paper
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
