I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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