that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
