honey bunches of taint.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
