He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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