I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
