dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
