watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
