wanna go halves on a baby?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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