im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
