What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
