I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
