I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
