I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I want a musical about memes.
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