Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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