I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
