Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
