now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
