this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
