also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
