I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
