I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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