Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
