So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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