just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
