Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
