we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
