The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I came so hard my ears popped.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
