My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
