I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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