sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
