sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize