there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
