I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
