This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
