is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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