did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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