Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
