The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
