we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
