You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
