Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your tits are I can't wait for
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
