Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
