he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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