I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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