it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude i'm inner monologue high
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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