just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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