Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
