Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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