I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
