i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
