you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
