I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
