I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
