There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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