I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
