She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
