I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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