I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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