why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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