Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
