yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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