if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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