This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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