Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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