Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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