Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
