If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sober January is a disaster.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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