I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
