for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's rum buckets o'clock
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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