just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
